The Marathon

Thursday, Day 5, day felt like the first day at school. Exciting! However, as the day went on, I began to feel so exhausted and fatigued from the pace I felt like my "school day" turned into a 5k/marathon. While I have run quite a few races in my life, I have never actually run a full marathon. I say, "no. I like to enjoy running the race, not suffer through it." Now, a 5k is painful. It is quick and fast. It does hurt a little. sometimes a lot because you pretty much have an all out effort, then it is over. There is not as much pacing to happen. Ok, so today felt like the 5k effort at a marathon length! Ewww. So, yes I am feeling the pain!
After a very successful evening and previous day of 9 pumping sessions every 2 hours, I was ready to face the first day of my new life of having 2 homes. I ate breakfast with Olivia, which was the best feeling ever. In fast being home was feeling amazingly wonderful and satisfying and filled with tremendous relief. I have really missed Olivia. So I am eating up our interaction together now that my health is less vulnerable.
I went down for a nap. I woke and pumped and got ready to go to see Noah! A family road trip, it felt like. Matt and Oliiva dropped me off at the hospital for my back to back visit with Noah. I had my bags packed, water jug and l and d pass in hand. I was ready to go. I am able to go in and do the usual snuggle and feeding with Noah which was great. I immediately noticed he was wearing a onesie?!! What, clothes, that I did not pick out?? Of course I wanted to run out and shop for him, but have zero time for that. Long story short, after a text to 2 amazing mom friends I had a bag full of adorable little clothes for my little cupcake to wear. Yes, 3.9 lb size baby clothes. Check! Yayy! Amazing.

Noah was very sleepy today at today's first visit but looking so good and healthy. The Dr was in and confirmed he was doing just great. I pumped after the visit, and then went up to eat in the cafeteria.

A friend popped in and got to do a little dive by of Noah in his little bed. Another friend popped by while I was eating and we got to chat and whoa, look at the time!! 30 min for lunch flew by! We head back down to see Noah again for the next feeding together, my heart pumping and my breathing feeling short and body feeling achy from this pace and all the movement I have been doing post delivery/surgery/bedrest. We slip back into the NICU, I change his diaper and take his temp. Whew.. sit down and breathe. He feeds, did great, was a little more alert, but still pretty sleepy. It was a nice visit and slipped by fast.

Before I knew it Matt was on his way. They arrived, Olivia got to peek at Noah while he was on me eating. She had not napped well today, Uhoh. Matt took her out and waitied for me to finish up. I felt like I needed to rush and like I got behind in timing, but tried to stay relaxed as possible, trying not to worry about Ms Olivia and Matt waiting for me. Not easy for mama! Stress was building. I waited til Noah was done done eating and then wrapped up and went to meet my family. Bye Noah, love you, see you in a few hours. We head home and hit traffic. Olivia is not happy and wants everything that I can not give her. I try of course, reaching around to hand her stickers, an apple. Whoops there goes the apple. UHoh, apple, uhoh, apple she says. More apple, more apple. Aww, man. Sleepy, tired baby. Not a relaxing ride home. We make it and get her up stairs, back in bed for a late nap attemt, she is crying. I get to my room and pump. Poor baby, poor baby. "Up, Up, Up" she calls. Then silence. Whew. Matt is the baby whisperer right now I think to myself. Wow, good call. Meeting is tonight and Matt wants to go and take Olivia with him. Man, he's ambitious. I am so proud of him. He has been running his marathon for quite a while. I can see however, that he is in a pace while I am suffering from my lack and of pace. He is a good runner too.
Well, I cover my eyes to sleep, tears almost ready to rage. I just tell Matt, "this is hard." I know that with a little rest, I will feel a little better. Just enough to get to the other side of the next visit with Noah and back again. I wake up feeling a little refreshed as expected. Do all I can to get together for the rest of the day and night. I want to pick out Olivia's clothes for meeting and do a million other things I haven't been able to do, but I have to surrender to the clock. Zero time, and Matt has it under control. Gotta stay out of his "lane". Olivia comes out, dressed for meeting in THE dress I had invisioned her wearing! Of course. We are that good. Ha! Wild. Adorable.

We manage to work so well, that I am at the hospital and Matt and Olivia are off to meeting on time! Amazing.


I walk in and go straight to a "waiting/family" room to sit and catch my breath. 30 min I have. Whoah, feels like an eternity, in a millisecond. I am in pain, from aching and fatigue. Just breathe. I am able to chat on the phone with a "photographer" friend and arrange a little photo session with Noah to tomorrow. Whew. I had found out and arranged for Matt and I's feeding/visit Friday night to include a full bath. This time also included a feeding tube change, which meant Noah will be completely cord free for about an hour. Um, can we say, bring on the paparazzi!! Oh, did I mention the bag full of clothes and the frenzy to get my boy an outfit?? Ya, come on. The perfect photographer in place, miraculously. I am further amazed at my friendships, and my heart again is filled with love and gratitude for them. Yayy!
Ok, gotta run. Literally. I need to pick up my pace and stay steady. I want to be helpful to Matt and know that Olivia will be tired after meeting and do not want them waiting on me. We do it. I tell the nurse my plan. She does the temp and diaper change, I set up to pump and then for the feeding. Done. He is feeding and chomping and sucking the most he has today. Go Noah! He gets a little more sleepy, makes the most adorable looks, yawns, and noises. Then, I feel the most horrible thing happen. My milk, Noah's milk, had comes pouring down on me. It had been taped up baind me. The tape had fallen off and the tube dunped over on my shoulder. I wanted to cry. Boah was fine, but that tube was at least 6 hours of my race. I felt like I had got sent back to the 13k line to start the marathon over. I wanted to cry and yell. But I stayed calm, tellling myself that my milk would me in soon and I mill make more. Um, colostrom. "Can't get that back", I think to myself. Man, that is the worst. Ok, Noah will get the milk I had just brought in with me and slaved over producing. Man. Bummer. Move on. I am able to get out to Matt and Olivia just a few minutes after they arrive outside the hospital. They are doing great and Olivia is ready for bed. Calm but sleepy. Ahh, good. We did it. I hear a recap of the meeting's events and hilights mainly surrounding Olivia. Adorable. I am so proud of them for being there.
We get home and Olivia into bed pain free. Ahh, we did it. No time to spare but a few minutes to talk and strategize and have a little pep talk and move forward. Pump, eat, meds, sleep... repeat.. I did it. The first day. Matt gets to relax with a long awaited beverage. Ahh. gnite, gday..Another marathon tomorrow.

Noah news:
Noah is at 3.9 lbs today. Very good. His weight fluctuates a lot in little amounts so he is stabilizing his weight well. He did have a good sized bm today in his diaper that looked "normal", not black. So proud of him! That perhaps contributed to him being a little lighter too. I know that is when I hop on the scale to be weighed. lol

Mama news: I can't believe I just blogged for an hour while pumping. It feels "crafty" and like therapy for me and I hear people are enjoying it and feeling connected since I can not connect physically. I enjoy the support knowing my friends are with me reading it. I hope I can keep up, but cant worry about that either.
Oh, did I mention I am up from 2ml when I started pumping after the delivery to 44 ml of milk on my most recent pumping session??!! Ahh, I feel like I caught back up after the spill. Bring on the milk!! It is coming in. Now, that beats any post race t shirt or pancake breakfast I have ever had. Though there was this one time there was a lulu t shirt given away.. nope, not even close. Ha! I am so proud and relieved. This is what I have been training for.

xoxo love ya, everybody!

Flowers from the local firefighters.